Burnie: So the other day we had the Million Dollars But Season Five wrap party. So I had the id- so I thought- I was already home, I thought, ‘I want to go out and actually have a couple beers.’ ‘So I’m gonna take an Uber, instead of driving myself there.’ I went to go meet the driver of my ride share service of choice,
*Gavin softly laughing* And he texted me and said, “I’m here,” and I said, “okay.” And where I live, there’s not, well, like-
*Gavin choking back laughter* -the worst to get picked up, like there’s not a lot of streetlights?
Gavin, in a whisper: It’s such a funny story. Burnie: And so it was dark, and I had my jacket on, I had my baseball cap on. And I go and I open the door. And the guy goes, “Are you Burnie?” And I go, “Yeah, yeah. You’re looking for Burnie?” He goes, “Yeah.” … Pulls away. While I’m STANDING there. With my hand on an open door. He just like, guns it and takes off. So we’re like- then I let go of the door, the door shuts on its own, And he just drives away. And I was like, “Alright, well, I’ll text this guy through the app.” “Uh, like, hey, you left- haha, you left me, on the side of the road standing here.”
*Becca laughs* No res- no reply at all. Zero reply. And I wait. Just for the hell of it, I wait five to ten minutes. He’s halfway to the destination, on the GPS. Just driving there. The trip started and I’m like, “What in the world? Won’t answer my phone calls or anything?” So finally I just go, “alright, cancel the trip.” And I cancelled it. And I’m sure that when I cancelled it, He probably went, “What- why did you cancel the ride-?” And then he’s like, “where the hell?”
*laughter* He must’ve wondered what the fuck happened to me. Gus & Becca: Oh my God.
Burnie: I was really tempted to let him go all the way. And then-
Gavin: Do you actually think that he thought you were in the car when he drove off? Burnie: I think he might’ve?
Becca: Like there’s a- there’s a give. There’s a noticeable give when someone sits in your car. Burnie: Yeah. Becca: He should know that by now.
Gus: Was he not paying attention? Wow. *Becca laughing*
Gavin: What if the trip cancelled, and he looked back, And was so amazed, that he just swerves off the road?
*Burnie laughing* Burnie: That was crazy.
Becca: It was a ghost all along! Burnie: And then I got another ride. And when I got there, I was telling people the story. And uh, Ashley was there, and I met Ashley, and she went out with, uh, Gavin for drinks earlier. I’m telling this- this story about the Uber, And I just take- Ashley’s standing there, next to me. I got my arm around her. And she’s like, Fidgeting. Like this, and I’m just talking and telling this story. And she’s like, keeps fidgeting. And eventually, she just like literally takes her hand and pushes me away. And I go, “What is the problem?” And she says, “You’re trying to undo my bra.” And I didn’t realize this, while I’m telling the story, I’m just like out of like-
*loud laughter* Gus: What?!
Burnie: I had a weird muscle memory. I was just trying to unhook her bra, with my left hand like- -absent-mindedly. I don’t know!
Gavin, laughing: What is wrong with you?! Burnie: I’ve no idea! I was so apologetic about it!
Becca: Oh God… But I was also laughing pretty hard too cuz I realized, “Oh, yeah. I’ve been trying to unhook your bra-” “-while I’ve been telling this story.”
Becca, laughing: Oh my God. Burnie: And I had-
Gavin: Well, I mean, you’ve been through a traumatic experience, You, like, didn’t know if you were in the car or not. So you just- your mind was somewhere else.
*Becca holding back laughter* Burnie: I needed to make sure that I existed. *Gavin laughs*