Hi, welcome to The Show!
Today we’re gonna deviate from bad customers and move into the family home, where kids
can say the weirdest, and creepiest of things. Mommy, when you die, can I have your skin? Nope! Just… nope. Not even. Moving on… moving on… Get her a devil stick! Said a three-year-old boy when asked what
to get Grandma for her birthday. Hey, I’m not one to judge!
My Grandma uses the Bible as a doorstop, so it’s providing both the use as a household
utensil, and a metaphor. I will kill you. Do you understand?
Said by a two-year-old boy with a big cheerful grin. I’m usually one for strict parenting, but when this kid wants an Oreo, you give him
a f***ing Oreo. I can spell ‘devil!’
She learnt that at the spelling bee. And when I say spelling less about words and more about
defence against the dark arts! Vipera Evanasca! I was going to die today. But then I didn’t! Why? Did you think you were going to get peas,
and then you got pizza? Don’t worry, kid, I can totally relate. Two more horcruxes to go! Woo! Let’s go kill Voldemort! A totally reasonable course of action, I think. Except it was said in front of a deeply-religious mother that believes that all magic and witchcraft is evil. You know, I’ve always wondered about parents that think that. I mean if all magic is evil,
then does that mean that kids aren’t allowed to watch Disney films?
If you filter out every Disney film that contains magic in some form or another, then you’re left with… Tron. And that’s about the magic of science, which is even more evil, so I hear. I. Killed. Mufasa. What?! That… scene… scarred me as a kid. I’d just gotten over the death of Littlefoot’s mother, and now Disney is throwing daddy issues my way? I can’t believe you’re 73 and not dead yet. It sounds like this kid’s been putting rat
poison into Grandma’s birthday cakes. …and been upping the dose each year thanks
to disappointing results. Please die now?
Well, at least she was polite. Whenever I play outside, I play on the dead.
Wow! I thought my neighborhood was bad! I want to look like a devil!
Well… at least it’s not another Elsa or Ana. If I have a daughter, and she asks to
be a Disney princess, I’m gonna give her two options:
Either, Ursula, or Malificent! Mama, the Lannisters send their regards… Okay! Forget it. Today’s kids are ALL sociopaths, and it’s all HBO’s and Disney’s fault. Ah, crap! You can see the radiator. Nooooo!